Surrealism
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I'm Diann, 21, Korean. I draw and paint in oils. This tumblr is about my world as well as my diary.Sometimes i pity her and know her mind totally, but I don’t wanna open my mind to her.
I think you guys, too.
Sudden change makes me feel uncomfortable and low.
Now uncomfortable.
Something that is out of my control makes me be nervous.
Sometimes I don’t like the fact that ‘the time’ exists.
That is eatting my head.
I turned off the time and am writing something here like a stupid. Time is still running out.
It feels like there is a hole in my head and lung.
I wish the bus wouldn’t stop.
,need some time to feel gloomy.
,wanna stay here like a jerck.
I forgot everything abt gloomy days, and
Everything for now is fine.
Every single day is full of happiness.
Again
She doesn’t talk to me even though I said ‘I am home’, brightly.
I am thinking and thinking and thinking.
What if we have time to paint and have some wine at free time,
What if we have enough time to visit a galley and go shopping at the department store,
What if I still have a father - the normal father - ?
“Everything would be different.”
But she is laughing with TV and giving smile to my cat.
I don’t like you to called me ‘dirty bitch’.
I close my mind again.
<24살의 내가 20살 나의 이야기를 읽고>
쓸쓸했구나, 자존심없다, 애처롭다, 참 불쌍하다.
그런 어린 나를 보며 눈물이 글썽글썽.
고민도 많이 하고 아프기도 많이 아팠던 20살 아이같다.
‘진짜 바보구나’ 하며 스무 살을 꾸짖는다.
교직, 교사에 관하여 아무것도 모른채 살아갔다. 학교에 대한 애착심은 전혀 없었다. 대체 무엇을 하며 나를 찾아가야할지를 몰랐다.
사랑에 관해선 참 둔했다. 24살의 내가 20살 아이에게 ‘그건 그런 뜻이 아니야!’, ‘정신차려’ 라고 말해주고 싶었다.
그리고 처음 한 연애, 첫사랑-
그것이 열 세번의 싸움과 일곱 번 차이게 되는 사랑임을 알지 못한 자존심 없던 아이. 점점 나를 잃어갔다. 덕분에,
그 뒤에 한 사랑은 빈깡통. 부질없는, 추억조차 되지 않는 기억들이 불쌍한 나의 메모리공간을 차지했다.
아픈 것만 기억되는 뇌가 너무 밉다.
행복해지고싶다, 이제는 나를 찾아가잖아.
8:30 p.m.
Everyday, even the tears let my tongue taste themselves.
It is not only because ‘me’, but because my circumstance, such a pool life.
I want someone to lean on in this hard times,
I wanna make happy days to be happy but, empty.
9:30 p.m.
There are many things that I want to do and wanna get.
But everything is not in the rule to come inside my hands.
I am afraid of facing the end of the day bcoz I will have to start the day again.
I agonize what and how to do first to start the day.
I wish that North Korea set off a nuclear bomb then I could sleep forever,
or the Earth collide with a huge star, like a movie ‘Melancholia’.
1:50 a.m.
But I’m laughing.
when I am in the mood like this, I just think “Maybe I have a chance to be alive.”
I’m watching news. WTF North Korea is going crazy. They made nuclear bombs.
9:00 a.m. Next morning
I agonize what and how to do first to start the day.
0921
Nobody understands me and heals me. People feel better by being away from me. Tired again for now. So u don’t need to try to understand me.
